Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Swimming in chaos

I'm trying to keep my head above water, but sometimes I can feel myself about to be pulled under, overwhelmed by the wave that is my life. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed, I try to remind myself that many people live this way too and manage. That I, we, are very lucky for all we do have. I have to admit sometimes that is enough to push it back for a short period, but many times it's not much comfort. I have this cycle where I feel completely overwhelmed then after a meltdown, or a period of depression, I will psych myself up that things are going to be ok and that I can figure all this out. However, no matter how much I keep trudging through I find myself at the beginning of the cycle once again. I have so many "irons in the fire" as they say that I never really seem to get very far without giving up some thing like sleep or down time. I'm still trying to get through this schooling. I've bought a 4 month extension and I'm afraid I'll have to buy another one before I'm actually done. I'm trying to lose weight-still-which has been it's own cycle in itself. I have 4 kids. 3 teens with busy social lives & sports that has me doing a lot of running, spending a bunch of money, and trying to keep up on them & what's going on. I have a 2 yr old who is with me 24/7 who has speech delays. So besides the usual 2 yr old stuff we also have weekly speech appts, monthly counselor sessions, and a monthly play date to help his social growth. I can't seem to find time for losing weight, schooling, my kids, cleaning house, yard work, dogs, paying the bills, marriage time, and some free time. Now basketball season is coming in & the holidays and it's going to get crazier. My husband, god love him, has so many things of his own to do so I'm still left with most of this. My husband has work, lately he's been working tons of OT, and when he's not working he's got a list of home & car repairs to take care of, and of course try to spend sometime with the 4 kids and me and get his own free time. If I manage to get my weight loss workouts in then I don't get as much school time or cleaning in. If I work on school more then my workouts get skipped and my 2 yr old is more on his own & not getting what he needs from me. My teens help out quite a bit. They feed the animals, take care of the trash daily, help wash dishes, sweeping, laundry, babysitting the 2 yr old, cleaning their own bathroom & taking care of their own rooms and such. Even if I do figure out a somewhat decent schedule to get through all of it something always gets in the way. Appts, unexpected practices/games, holidays, a cranky 2 yr old going through changes, husband's schedule changing, issues with kids that have to be dealt with, unexpected changes in the schedule of visitation with their father and so on. We need me to work b/c right now we can only survive with what we have b/c of hubby's OT, without it we'd have to give up cell phones, cable and any thing fun at all for the family. Some where something has to give, but I can't decide what it should be: more income? weight loss? being involved with my kids? clean dishes & clothes? the kids give up their sports? what little couple married time we have? my relax time? none of that sounds like something I can or should give up. Well off to go swimming in the chaos again.

2 comments:

  1. thanks for sharing this - so true as a supermom we want to do it all - heaven forbid we leave for a day and I think our family would fall apart!

    check out my blog post on this very topic
    http://joypoulsen.com/lose-weight/httpjoypoulsen-comp35/

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  2. I hope you get to have a few moments to yourself. Sometimes just putting down like you have can be a help. Sorry I've not been commenting on your blog lately, your always in my thoughts.

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