Dog woes

When I started this blog over a year ago it was to help me cope with being a lonely shut-in mom. Since then things have changed and now I get out more and have a good friend whom I talk to about a lot of that stuff. She too is a sahm so she totally understands and gets what goes on with me. That aspect of my life is going so much better. Today, however, I'm having other issues. Dog issues. Up until 2 weeks ago things were very harmonious here in our house with our 4 dogs. Up until last Friday morning I had 4 dogs. Ever since two weeks ago things have been going downhill with our dogs. I am finding this to be very upsetting. We had Jesse our 4 year old reverse brindle boxer that we adopted as a puppy. We have Lilly our tan boxer of about 7 years that we rescued from the streets in our nearby town. We have Piper our 1 year old gray brindle pit bull/german sheperd mix whom we adopted from a couple up north in a big city. They had rescued her from a construction site when she was small enough to fit into a 6 inch pipe. We have Maggie our approximately 3 year old American bulldog/boxer that we adopted from the local shelter we have been volunteering at. Two weeks ago Maggie and Lilly got into a dog fight. Blood was involved. No serious injuries and on that occasion Lilly got the best of Maggie. We worked with them and thought things were going well. Last Friday morning I take my dogs for a walk, all 4 of them. It wasn't a great walk. I was having trouble with my patience and when you are walking 4 dogs that is a must. In the process of dealing with them I had lost my iphone headphones. I realized this about half a mile in to the walk. So we turned back early to look for them. As we were almost home the dogs across the street came out to the end of their property warning us not to come to their territory. I managed to keep 220 pounds of dogs from going across the street for a fight. Believe me I was surprised too. Jesse was the one that wanted to fight the most. I managed to calm everyone down enough to start walking home again. I took about 10 steps when I felt a tug on the leash. I thought it was Jesse trying to go fight with the dogs. I look back and she is on the ground on her side. At first I thought she was protesting about leaving like she used to do as a puppy. Then I realized the dogs across the street and shut up and left. Piper and I walked up to her. Piper sniffed her face and dropped to her belly with her head on the ground. Then I knew something was wrong. Piper is what we call our nurse dog because she is always checking on the dogs who are sick or injured. Within a minute of realizing something was wrong, Jesse stopped breathing and she was gone. I was hysterical. I was in shock. An hour ago she was playing outside and now she's dead. For no apparent reason. Just gone. I couldn't and still can't wrap my brain around this. I took the other 3 dogs and tied them to a nearby tree. Then I carried Jesse as far as I could towards our house. The loss of our first boxer at about 3 years old was so hard for us, but at least we knew the reason. She was found to have cancer, dying from it, and we had to decide to put her down that same day. Now to lose one like that. It just makes it hard not to worry. The next day was my youngest's birthday party. At the end of the party Lilly and Maggie again get into it only this time Maggie got the best of Lilly. Lilly was injured for a few days. Then just as Lilly was healing they got into again 2 days ago. Now she's injured even worse and I'm emotionally a mess! I'm afraid almost all the time that they are going to get into it. This makes me grouchy and angry because it is very stressful for me. That doesn't help the dogs feel better about being around each other though. There is a ton of other stuff going on with our lives keeping us really busy so dealing with this is hard enough. On top of it though Maggie is in heat, which I believe is part of the problem. Now Lilly is injured badly enough she can only walk on 3 legs so I have to carry her out of the house and stay by her to make sure Maggie doesn't see this as an opportunity. Poor Piper lost her playmate and is now dealing with the stress of those two fighting and me being upset. I watch the Dog Whisperer and I know a lot of things to do to work on. Honestly though I'm not strong enough right now. I'm still mourning the loss of Jesse and now dealing with my feelings about all of this. It's not just Maggie or just Lilly, it's the both of them. Lilly has lost her buddy of 3 years so I'm sure it's bothering her. People around me know I love my dogs but most of them don't understand how much or why I feel about them the way I do. I spend all my day with my dogs. I train them. They are my walking buddies, my playmates, my hiking buddies. I can talk about them for hours. It's the same with the dogs I work with at the shelter. Except for my husband though most people don't want to talk that long about my dogs. It's funny because I treat my dogs like dogs and yet care about them more than just to say I lost a dog or have a dog. I'm hoping venting in here will help me sort through my emotions so I can get back to working on my dog issues. Tomorrow we are picking up muzzles for both so at least I can stop them from damaging each other. With those I will feel more confidant about working with them too. If you read this thank you for listening.

I'm so done with being sick! I feel like a fraud even saying I'm sick. It's a stupid cold. Well not even a cold really, just a cough that won't go away! It's a tricky cough, transforming cough, from either a dry annoying tickle in the back of my throat that just makes my throat sore from it to a deep hacking cough that makes me feel like I might literally cough up a lung! It's not really a cold since I don't have a runny nose or fever. Just this stupid cough I get a few times a year. Although this is my first time having it in the summer! It started last Thursday and is just getting worse instead of better. Whatever is slow moving, slow to get started and slow to go away. I woke up last Thursday and I instantly knew what I was in for, but man was I hoping I would be wrong for once. I wasn't. I have tried everything to get relief from this cough and nothing, I mean NOTHING gives me a break. Same way as always. I've drank almost an entire bottle of dayquil equivalent since Saturday. Why I keep taking it I don't know, it does nothing to make me feel better. It tastes awful, yet I keep taking it hoping this will be the time it finally works. It doesn't. I finally took some night time dimetapp the other day knowing I would probably regret it, but I needed some sleep, bad, so I took it. I slept all right. About 2 hrs and finally felt rested. My throat however, felt worse. Like I had slept in front of a heater blowing right in my mouth. I know they call it cotton-mouth for a reason and yesterday after my nap that's exactly what my mouth felt like, cotton. Yuck! I've drank everything, but what I really want to, my beloved cherry coke. I don't drink it though because i know it will just take longer to heal if I do. I've had more hot tea in the past 2 days than I've had in the past year! Now I'm drinking honey water. Why? Because I read about it in a book I'm reading. A maid in the book made it for her charge when she complained of a sore throat. She said she knew she was getting a summer cold and the honey water would help. I figured it couldn't hurt to try it. I'm drinking my crystal light in room temperature water which is not easy, but necessary. I drink so much that I spend the bigger part of my day peeing. Sick of that too. Another thing I'm sick of is the cough drops, but they give me the longest relief without drinking. Problem with them is then my stomach gets all sick feeling from the menthol and hardly any food. It also makes my teeth feel nasty with they way it coats my teeth. Then I have to brush my teeth. Then my lukewarm crystal light tastes funny. If it's not one thing it's another. Eating seems to make me feel a little better, at least it takes care of the sick feeling in my stomach for awhile and absorbs some of the liquids I'm downing. My throat is so sore and swollen though that sometimes it feels like I'm going to choke on my food. Annoying. I can't sleep because the cough won't let me. I've rested so much that I just want to sleep to pass the time more quickly. I try to mess around on the computer to keep me busy, but I tire easily. Really the only thing that is making any of this bearable at all is that book. I've been wanting to read it since I saw they made a movie of it. I knew instantly it had to be a book first, searched and found I was right. Of course. At least with all this resting I have a good excuse to sit around and read all day. I started it last night and all ready I'm halfway through. It is as good as I expected and even though my eyes are tired from not reading a book this much for ages I just can't seem to put it down. It's not like I have a lot of options for keeping myself busy, especially my mind. I hate when my mind is bored. Well lunch is ready so I'm going to go choke down some more food, feed a cold, and all and read some more. What a day.

Pity Party

That's what I'm having right now. I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm not able to feel positive about it all right now. There are so many things that need done, that are behind, and I can't catch up anytime soon! Today I finally broke down & cried. I'm so overwhelmed & I feel so tired. All I want to do is lie down & go to sleep, I guess to escape it all. We've had no free time these past few weeks and everything is piling up. I gained 2 lbs this week! 2 lbs despite the fact that I've been busy, busy. So busy that I haven't even had time to be on Facebook! I have 4 loads of laundry in baskets in my living room waiting to be folded & put up. That's not counting the load in the dryer, the 2 loads on the line, and the load in the washer. The house needs dusted, and cobwebs swept. I haven't touched my school in almost 2 weeks. This is why I'm STILL buying extensions because I don't stick to it daily & before i know weeks go by before I get back to it. I really want to just quit because it's so stressful knowing that it's there waiting for me & that we are paying for me to be able to finish it. I promised my husband that I would finish though and the idea of letting him down when he's been so patient about the whole thing is even more stressful. I have no idea how I will work even if I finish, but if I don't finish then all this money is definitely wasted. At least if I finish I'll have the certificate to be able to get a job at some point if I can or want to. I've lost motivation in it. I got so down on myself & about school when I was struggling so hard with the English classes. I'm not one of those people who could just put in the right answers & get through it if I wasn't actually getting it. I can't keep any kind of schedule anymore. Not with my school work, with myself, with my 2 yr old, none of it. I'm here, there, everywhere & I know that's part of why I'm losing so much time during the day & things aren't getting done. I believe this is also why my son has started being such a whiny butt and brat because there's no scheduling for his eating, naps, playtime, it's too chaotic for him too. I try to have a schedule, but seems something always comes and interrupts it or I let it. I don't know. On top of that I'm trying to lose weight & that's always hard. The yard is over a month behind b/c of all the rain so it's taking forever. My plants that I bought are dying b/c they need to be planted. There is just so much to do & I can't figure out where to start or what's more important. All I want is to sit down, spend sometime with my husband, who I miss so much, relax, and enjoy life a little rather than rushing through it all day until I crash in bed. Need to put this pity party to rest, at least for now, and try to get something done, or else there will just be more to do later.

Free time? what is that?!!

That's what I think every time my kids or my ex thinks I have all this free time! Well if I do where the heck is it??? Believe me I would be thrilled to have all the free time they seem to think I have! The only thing I can figure is that because I don't have a job where I get a paycheck is why they think I have so much free time.

Yesterday my 13 yr old says "you don't go to they Y during the day either?" It's his first day home with me after school is let out & he's worried about doing things because he's bored all ready! I told the kids I'd love to be bored once in awhile, I miss being bored!

I don't understand how the kids can think I have so much "free" time? They see me cleaning, mowing, doing yard work, they know i'm still in school, they know I have a 2 yr old and they know how much running we do for them between sports & friends. So how can they not see that I don't have all this free time. I haven't scrapbooked in over 6 yrs now! I barely get my cross-stitch projects done for gifts, and haven't even started any of the one's I want for myself, including Bryan's birth certificate. Last week I barely got to see my husband for more than 10 min to talk to each other. The kids are coming & going & he has no idea why, to where, or for how long, because we're too busy to share information! We had to schedule a weekend away in a cabin just to guarantee some alone time! The kids also know that now I'm doing even more cleaning because I go tired of all the aggravation & frustration over trying to get them to help out. For 4 yrs we had a chore rotation between the 3, and the whole time it was nothing, but arguing & yelling. It's faster for me to do it than to try and make them do it.

My ex seems to think I have a lot of free time too. he's always leaving my son with me whenever my son has a game on his weekend because he's too busy with work or other things to take him. He told my son last week that if we would just mow our entire yard at one time it wouldn't get so high! Really, giving me yard work pointers? When we have 3 acres & he has barely an acre! Our grass is extremely high, but it has nothing to do with us being lazy, or not mowing it all at once. It has everything to do with all the rain we've had for the last month & the fact that at least 4 other properties around us drain into our yard. We haven't mowed because it's been too wet & it will tear up our yard if we tried before. Even now it's been 5 days of sunshine only & when I mow there is still mud & even standing water in places still! When my son was telling me what the ex said I was thinking-well if you would take your son to his games on your weekends I might just have time to work on my yard more! When my son is only gone 1 night every other weekend though & we are responsible for all 4 kids' running in the mean time how are we supposed to have the 10 yrs or more it takes to mow our yard at one time!

I want free time, I want it so badly! I want to go hiking again with my hubby, I want to walk with my hubby, I want to play bad minton with my kids in the evening, I want to sit outside and enjoy the sunset, I want to scrapbook, and I want to go do fun things with my kids in the summer. I can't do all those things though when the grass is almost 4 feet tall, then has to be raked, then mowed again b/c it's still too tall. I can't when I have vegetable plants & flowers that need planted and the flower beds are still half filled with weeds. I can't when I haven't touched my school work for almost 2 weeks. I can't when the laundry is so backed up that we don't have clothes or towels, or there are no clean dishes in the cabinet! If everyone else would do what they are supposed to-pick up their kid, pick up after themselves, help out around the house, I just might squeeze in a little free time for some fun & relaxation. Well it's time to go, gotta pick up the oldest from drivers ed, then home for yard work & school!

Wonderful Weekend!

It was just wonderful! The weather was wonderful, the company was wonderful, getting work done & relaxing too was wonderful!

On Friday we took our 3rd child Daniel bowling for his birthday present. It was fun, he loves to bowl and he has this unusual curve ball that is scarily accurate. I got a strike and a spare in the second game, exciting for me, I'm not a big bowler. Even Bryan got a strike! He was so cute bowling. He carried his 6 lb ball up to the ramp everytime. Then after he would push the ball down the ramp he would throw up his arms & yell woohoo & then do a somersault, lol.

On Saturday I worked on more mowing & Travis worked on weed eating & such. Then we had the family birthday party for Daniel. My mom, Trav's parents, & my brother & family were there. We sat around & chatted & then went outside & enjoyed the nice day.

On Sunday we took things easier & moved at a slower pace. Travis & I went to our local small town & ate lunch. Then we walked around and checked out the cars at the car show. Picked up some ice cream & ate it on the way to pick up our oldest from a friend's house. Got home & Travis got the jeep running again & I mowed in between bouts of rain.

Other than a few spats with the kids it was a good, productive, family weekend. I look forward to many more like that!

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Seriously we've had enough! Our wells are full and our ground is saturated! We had plans to put up bub's new swingset next weekend and I'm not sure we're going to be able to. We wanted to do it on Memorial Weekend so my husband and whatever help we get would have 3 days to get it done or as close as possible. It's a big job and will take a long time. The way the weather has been though we haven't been able to even mow where we want to put it once this year. It needs to be mowed and leveled. We were hoping to do that before the weekend was here. We may get to mow it this Saturday if everything works out and from there it's wait and see and hope.

Beautiful Day

So beautiful that I had trouble deciding what to do with myself today. Should I clean up this mess in the house that's accumulated all week or go outside to do some overdue yard work? Or maybe I thought, I should just chuck all my responsibilities and just hang out and enjoy the comfortable, beautiful day? I opted for a combination of both in house cleaning & outside yard work. Now I'm cooking dinner, which I'm looking forward to for once, because we are having general tso's chicken and fried rice with egg rolls! This is a rare treat to make at home and even more rare to eat out in a restaurant. Hubby is taking a nap. Poor guy is tired and this weather is perfect napping weather. If I was tired I'd join him, but I'm not. In fact I'm sitting here with my feet jittering about b/c I have too much energy for sitting. Having this much energy is great for getting things done, but not for getting things done on the computer. At least half my life is on the computer so you can see how this gets in the way. It is good for my weight loss too. The clouds are turning a blue-gray shade implying that a storm is brewing. It's very pretty to look at, the tall grass is waving gently, you can hear the breeze, and smell the faint smell of water in the air. Unfortunately it also means my dog Ashley is outside pacing frantically. She's terrified of storms and tries to outrun them which means I have to chain her up before she does. So I'd better go catch her!